You can also preface this by using any one of these surrogate article titles:
-Here’s a list of shit that’s making you look whack, to at least one person if you’re lucky- but probably to the majority of your feed.
(or)
-“Should I have hit submit or posted that comment, that one time? Probably not, huh…” A novel- by (your full name here.)
(or)
-Stop it, dude. Stop it right now. Sincerely, everyone.
When it comes to the electronic music scene, there’s no doubt in my mind that there are people that possess ample amounts of advice, regarding this music/lifestyle. There’s a plethora of good spirits online, ready to support and condone the actions or behaviors of anyone looking for guidance or healthy conversation.
Then there’s the other guys.
The other guys are probably the most cringeworthy people on any timeline. These people usually don’t get to spew too much nonsense on my feed, without an immediate ‘unfollow’, because a. who wants to get a “WHY’D YOU DELETE ME” message, and b. contrary to even my own belief, confrontation isn’t my thing. I’d rather just silently but permanently eliminate your exsistence on my timeline, while allowing you to think that your empty opinions are still getting through to me.
It’s the megalomania that I can’t handle. I find it unsettling to watch someone submit an update or a comment that’s little more than a feeble attempt to shit on someone else, in order to make themselves feel bigger. There’s very real complexes at play here. I’ve narrowed these complexes down to four things I see almost daily, that need to be put to rest as soon as they possibly can.
1. “Everybody’s a DJ now, LOL.”
What exactly do you want to accomplish with this statement? I can tell you about some very real truths that exist here. I’ve heard four types of people say this:
-The Might-Have-Beens.
These are the folks that walk around saying “yeah, I had some gear for twelve seconds of my life, that shit just wasn’t for me.” Was it really not for you? Because to me you sound like you just wish you’d spent enough time learning to embrace it, and being a part of something you now (bitterly) get to watch everybody else really enjoy. You can always spot might-have-beens in a crowd; they’ll swear up and down to have near-Einstein levels of knowledge regarding electronic music, as they’ve definitely “spent some time behind the decks.”
-The Should-Have-Beens.
I also refer to these guys as ‘The Levels Rejects’. These individuals actually did apply their blood, sweat and tears- and took the craft quite seriously. They bought those decks and it seemed like the first day of the rest of their lives. Day in and day out, we got to read along as they expressed their excitement and anxiousness to really ‘take it further’- and for some reason it just never happened. They never got to main stage, they never even got that invite to open up at the festival two cities away, at 1 PM. They never got their free exposure, and those two priceless drink tickets. Three months and a GEAR FOR SALE post later, it’s like nothing ever happened. They’ve now gone on merciless typing-sprees, ridiculing anything and everything having to do with DJing because “that’s kid shit anyway” and “it’s time to get a real job.” Godspeed, good sir/madame. We hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.
-The Naturals.
These debbie downers are just bitter in general. Even without having touched DJ equipment, the naturals just already hate the fact that 3 out of every 5 personalities on their feed are actively promoting their upcoming DJ gigs. That shit doesn’t sit right, with this crowd. The naturals want to know why these people haven’t gotten a life yet, or at least tried picking up a guitar. Or a football. Or a girlfriend.
-The Bandwagon Gang.
Basically everyone on the internet that says this exact thing, about everything- simply because they do that thing themselves. (“Everyone’s a DJ now, lol. I feel so unoriginal.”) (“Looks like everyone’s a photographer now, time to retire. *eye roll*”) (“Look at this clown. Turns out anybody can be an artist, now.”) What do you think the entire Internet was saying when you first started? You need to sit your ass down. You’re not the only one out there.
2. “You ain’t shit in this scene unless you produce.”
Let me preface this by saying that for every twelve people on my feed that post this, I MIGHT be familiar with one or two of them- and it’s not because of music they’ve written. It’s because I’ve met them, or I’ve seen them spin. This has always acted as the grounds for me to get the Robert Downey Jr. eye roll going, and keep scrolling. What if I were to tell you that there’s people out there that really enjoy DJing, and have no interest in producing dance music? I’m one of those people. For years, I’ve always said the same thing: if I were to ever pursue the creation of music, I’d be pursuing Trip-Hop and Downtempo. I have no interest in creating anything related to nightclubbing. I’ve gone places I never knew I could as a dance DJ, and I’ve loved every second of it. I didn’t have to produce anything. Let me also point out that there’s about five established producers in this town that have my respect, and guess what status update they’ve never made online, ever? The reason is that they’re seasoned veterans with 10+ years of experience, and they love what they do without ridiculing anyone else. They haven’t been playing around in Ableton for a year or two acting like they’re demigods, online. I asked one of them what his stance is on the matter, and he answered pretty spot-on. According to Ryan McKay (of Made Monster), “producing and DJing are two different crafts. Being good at one helps the other, but they’re still independent.”
3. “Kids these days don’t know about REAL (insert genre here).”/”Back in my day we had to (____________).”
Stop that shit before you even say it, gramps. YOU don’t get to dictate what constitutes a “real” example of a particular genre of music to anyone, period. If an individual hears a track and it moves them in any way, it absolutely doesn’t matter if that track was produced ten days ago or ten years ago. It’s something to that person, and their tastes aren’t undermined by the fact that you think it was only real in your ‘prime’, that was 15 to 30 fucking years ago. I assure you, when you first started falling in love with your preferred genre, there were probably ten people just like you- blasting off in rants about how it was so much better ten or fifteen years before. Yet here you are, claiming to really have the handle on what it’s ‘supposed’ to sound like. I understand very well that music has roots and origins. Don’t utilize those to act like a shithead, while calling your commentary “educational.”
You also don’t have to let your jadedness seep through the cracks of the Internet by constantly whining about having to work harder and more dilligently in the past. We get it. You had to carry records. You had to tote your milk crates everywhere and lug your turntables from gig to gig. Nothing was simple, everything was difficult. You knew times were going to change, and you knew the present-day was coming. For the record, I remember the vinyl-lugging days. It was more work, yeah, but what I’m not gonna do is cry about how hard it was and preach to young DJs about being grateful. If they can now carry all of their music on a necklace, let them carry their music on a necklace. It’s literally ruffling no one’s feathers but yours.
4. *commenting on a lineup that’s been posted* “what? No DJ (your DJ name here)?”/”This lineup needs more DJ (your DJ name here).”
I’d like to think I’m a little more than averagely talented, when it comes to my use of words- however there’s no adjectives and no way for me to form any kind of sentence that could adequately allow me to express how hard I cringe at this. That has to be enough in itself, to give you an idea.
Jasmine is a Houston-based writer and spoken-word poet, and one of the latest additions to The Department Of Dance. Jasmine has been DJing since 2008, affiliated with various (now defunct) collectives in the past, and currently playing independently. Her choice genres include Minimal Techno, Liquid DnB, and Melodic Trance.
