Redlining with Joe Ullo: Token Girlfriends

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So, before I get inboxed by an army of angry feminists, please read the rant first and not just the headline. I hate the fact that I have to preface this, but in today’s world of knee-jerk reactions, I assure you, this will mostly amount to dude-bashing. Not to mention that my wife, a fellow DoD contributor, does a wonderful “Women in EDM” article series on here and I am WAY too tall to be sleeping on the couch.

That being said…

Get your god damn lady friend out of the DJ booth, please.

I always found it incredibly annoying, and even cringe-worthy, when a DJ tries to involve his significant other by having her stand up there PRETENDING to DJ with him. Yes, we know she’s pretending. We can tell. The fact that you don’t know this probably explains why you’re pulling this stunt in the first place.

Well, what about female DJs that do it? How come you aren’t attacking them?

Because they don’t do it. At least not that I’ve ever seen or heard of. Imagine for a moment someone like Nicole Moudaber or Alison Wonderland is slaying it on the decks and then yells into the mic, “Hey! You know what this set needs? A useless fucking dude up here! Hell yeah!”

See how ridiculous that sounds?

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t involve your main squeeze if they really want to contribute. Teach them how to actually mix and this entire rant doesn’t apply to you. I’ve seen DJ couples that were really good. It’s the shallow pandering that’s annoying. Oh, so she’s hot? Big deal. So are the gogo-dancers. The difference being that they have a purpose up there.

I’m not sure what people hope to accomplish with this act. I’ve seen it countless times, too. A couple of years ago, I remember seeing a DJ “duo” that stands out in my mind. To begin with, they weren’t even that good. Their entire set sounded like the first 30 seconds of a bunch of minimal tracks strung together. But not only did the guy have his lady up there touching knobs for no reason, (I was standing right there. She barely turned them if she even turned them at all.) but she was also wearing some sequined monstrosity with only the word SEX¬†emblazoned on the front of it in giant letters. Great, now not only are we pandering, but the target audience is 13-year-old boys.

If you’re playing DNB and want an MC, get one. If you want a hype man, get one. Dancers? They can be hired too. But if you just need someone standing up there doing nothing, forget about it. We already have one David Guetta.