Five DJ-related things that we could all go without seeing you post, ever again

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1. “Everyone’s a DJ.”

Well, you’re entitled to your observation and the opinion that spawns from you being so observant, but no, in actuality everyone’s not a DJ. Going as far out on the limb as I can, here, MOST people in the scene develop and keep an active interest in Electronic music, and they’re likely to try and do something with that. Some people will start straight from ground zero and acquire turntables, some will purchase their very first CDJs, and some will find themselves midi controllers or apps on their tablets, to try and learn to match the beats they love. (Which are all beautiful things by the way, you cunt. I don’t necessarily know if I want to live in a world where some people AREN’T curious, and willing to dive a little deeper into the music they love.) But these people only make up one portion of our scene. Some decide to dance. Some decide to work more with sound and setup. Some figure out that the lights and the production make up half of the experience at live events, and they decide to become a bigger part of that. Some skip the beat matching entirely and head straight to the software, to learn to make their own music.
Then of course you have the partygoers that legitimately enjoy every aspect of the scene, that don’t waste their time finding reasons to single any one group out, or be bitter toward the very people that put a good amount of time and energy into making sure an event is made better.

2. “All you are is a glorified button pusher.”

Another example of the stunning powers of observation. I’ll bet you post that everyone’s a DJ, too. Let’s look at this for a minute. “All you do is stand up there and push buttons.”
I mean, that’s not all we’re doing in the slightest but yes, there are a few buttons to press on standard industry setups. I can’t begin to tell you about the disaster that would ensue if we didn’t press those buttons. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a crowd of 200 people yelling “WHERE’S THE FUCKING MUSIC” at the top of their lungs, but you can imagine it wouldn’t be an ideal situation to be in.
Let’s say a DJ decided to bring you onstage, and you’ve no prior experience on the decks. (More than likely this would be one of the people who also constantly say “I could probably DJ better than you, and I DON’T EVEN DJ.”) Yes, you.
Could you really get up there and play that entire set? What tracks are you going to be playing? What genre? Are you going to know what to do when there’s only a minute left in the track that’s currently playing? There are several inquiring minds that would love to know. If the only thing DJs are doing to ensure smooth transitions is getting up there and pressing buttons, by all means I stand corrected….everyone really could be a DJ, and I’ve been mistaken this whole time.

3.  On the wall of an event page: “This lineup needs more DJ _____!!!/I think you guys forgot DJ _____!!!” (Referencing yourself)

…How pretentious. For the love of God, please stop writing this on event pages. Please. The party planners of this city know what they’re doing, when putting lineups together. In order to be forgotten, you had to be thought of in the first place… you weren’t this time.

4. When old-school DJs post older videos/tracks explaining that ‘this is REAL (insert genre here)’

Personally, I can’t ever get down with this. ‘Back in your day’ shit was different, of course. There was an energy behind your favorite tracks that you just can’t seem to find in modern EDM, so to you nothing will ever compare. If someone takes the time to create a track nowadays, I don’t think anyone has the right to dismiss it and then post a tune made ten years prior because it was ‘real’ (genre). I’m pretty sure that track feels real to whoever produced it. In another ten years, I’m not going to be surprised when anyone gets online saying that today’s tunes were the ‘real’ jams.

5. DJs playing for the staff/bartenders making updates saying “GET HERE WHILE YOU STILL CAN, SHIT’S GOING THE FUCK OFF!!!”

It isn’t yet, man. Don’t rush people.

About Jasmine Rose

Jasmine is a Houston-based writer and spoken-word poet, and one of the latest additions to The Department Of Dance. Jasmine has been DJing since 2008, affiliated with various (now defunct) collectives in the past, and currently playing independently. Her choice genres include Minimal Techno, Liquid DnB, and Melodic Trance.

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